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03:21am 17/07/2010
  SO thought I should post to see if anyone even gets on here anymore..growing ups been hard and yea ive only hit 19 but reading my old livejournal is depressing..anyways let me know if yall still get on here..  
08:14pm 11/05/2006
  ok just figured i would update since i havent in awhile i miss all of yall so much i get my permit sometime this next week .. my 15 is WEDNESDAY!!!!pretty excited about that... um nothing much else to say love yall and miss yall bunches MUAH

06:19am 03/05/2006
  just figured i would update really quick gotta run to cath my bus so i will make this short i love all of yall and miss you all bunches sorry that none of the drama has changed down there its been pretty good for me not had to deal wiht much of anything im not gonna make it down there this summer but i should be able to next summer most likely i hope mom said maybe i can if i get all the money myself so im working on it yall but i gotta go umm trisha i didnt get a chance to comment but i do agree with everyting you said on your last post i love you gurl and everyone else miss you bunches and bunches

1heartbreak| heartbreak
09:28am 25/03/2006
mood: wondering if i was wrong......
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame to the grave

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never bee a past

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It’s easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
10:51pm 25/11/2005
mood: crying and a little relief
ok... I know that this propably is not going to seem like something good especially since most of my friends on here already dont trust me but I have some things to say and I really would like for you to read this and read it well and if you think that someone I mention wont read this i want you to tell them i said something about them and im sure that if your a good enough friend i can trust that you wont lie about what i have to say and i dont want to start anything with anyone i want to get everything off of my mind that has been stressing be outand making me depressed so here is most of it....

Courtney: I know I haven't been the best friend who was supposed to stick by your side through thick and thin like i promised and I admit i made up the lie about you sleeping with kyle but you know as well as i do i couldnt of had the guts to tell kay that im not that kind of perosn i couldnt do it and if you look tothepast i think you could see that, also the whole james thing just stop worrying about it it wasa year ago and as far as im concerned if you still have something to hide then thats your problem i think that if you cant tell me it by now then i dont even want to know im not saying you are hiding something im just saying i dont want to start anything with anything with you i swear... by the way check your email.....

Jessica: I know that i have told you i hated you that was acting on something that i had no business in being in i know that i dont know how it feels to be in your shoes and i never will and im sorry that ive yelled at you and everything else if theres something ive done that i cant remember please tell me ...

Kay: I am sorry I lied to you about courtney there was no need and i had no right nothing ever happened between her and kyle and courtney never said anything did... i love you and im sorry

Ava: I am sorry that I got you involved in between me and courtney I had no right it was wrong of me im really proud of you that you were saved and I hope that the changes in your like that you are gradually making will continue

Heather: I am sorry I got you involved in betweenme and courtney I had no right i am proud thatyou were saved but i think that you should try and act like you are a little more ...

Rachel: I am really sorry to tell you this but read carefully.... i changed yourpassword back around november but i only changed it for 15 minutes at the most beforemy heart told me i was doingsomething wrongand then i changed it back now how your password wound up in someone elses handsi have no clue andi am really sorry that you trusted me and i could really care less if you wentback tothe cops oversomething as stupid as this and i hope you can understand that it was bc you and sam were sittingthere emailing back and forth saying stuff about me that wasnttrue and then flat outlied to me to my face do youknow how much that hurt me after i trusted you ?? im sorry but you gave me your password in the first place so if you wantto try to make up any lie its not going to cover your butt bc they can check my harddrive if your really going to be that childish shoot they can even check my knowledge on computers and then will find out that i have no clue ofhow i could even "hack" into your computer from mine as the cops told me on new years eve that thats what you had said... im sorry it was all stupidand as far asim concerned done and over with...

Brian: i forgive you I really do i am still very aware of what happened in that van and i wont ever forgetit since i remember it very vividly in myhead but I do have a strong enough love for christ and passion for forgiveness inmy heart thati cantlet this ruin my life i just wish one day you could actually admitto me that you did it since you satthereand blankly lied topreacher alexis my dad your parentsand me... but i still love you like a bro i just need closureor something i guessi dontknow but do you remember when courtney called youfrom her house and you asked to speak to me and she held thephone up to my hear yea... i still remember your voice and i couldhear the tears rolling down your face and im sorry i really am and i hope you can believe me that i really am sorry

I love all of yall and that will never change and whether or not you believe me i am trully sorry
3heartbreaks| heartbreak
08:04pm 24/11/2005
  hey everyone really quick update on my situation, i will be coming home afterall we didnt like the house afterall umm ill be home saturday night!!! so excited umm Happy Thanksgiving butI haveto go Grandmas yelling at me to get off the internet!!

lol Love yall

PS.... YESSSSS imso excited and i justcant hide im so exited !!!lol MWAH




2heartbreaks| heartbreak
10:55pm 14/11/2005
  hey everyone... figured i would update being as how im not there to tell yall whats going on in this messed up lil world of mine ... well we went looking at houses today we found some nice ones we are dicussing on which one we are going to buy so everyone face it IM MOVING.... i love yall but I think that this move will be good for me and I am sorry if yall get mad at me for saying it but i kinda wanna move... but ummm yea i miss all of yall andi always will but the sooner you start to try and forget about me the better.... good job on yalls grades ava and duckie.... so far I have 2 A's i wontknow the rest exactly until tomorrow at midnight... well i will talk to yall later...

Buh Byes
2heartbreaks| heartbreak
11:11am 09/11/2005
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)
10:53am 09/11/2005
You Are 19 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
08:18pm 08/11/2005
  well im going on vacation to find a house and mommy and daddy are gonna look for a job :)... so ill be moving soon but i will be back on November 27 hopefully well luv yall and some of you i will see friday nite at ashwees... byes  
1heartbreak| heartbreak
hey everyone   
11:08pm 01/11/2005
  hey whats up?
well i have started 7 classes now:
Computer Programming Basics 1
Earth Space Science Honors
Biology 1
American Government Honors
Personal Fitness
Geometry Honors
Life Management Skills

so I am officially doing probably more than everyone even though I only have 7 classes... i will have more soon i am signed up for 20 so yea... umm dont expect to see me too often... lol well i am gonna go not gonna update on much else cuz theres nothing to interesting...
Love you.(you know who you are)
2heartbreaks| heartbreak
09:01am 31/10/2005
  ok everyone i just cant deal with any of this anymore...
i love all 4 of yall...ava,duckie,courtney,and jesseyka, but all of yall know that i have stomach problems when i feel bad about something or when i worry about something i feel like i am gonna puke, well last nite i came home and i puked 2 times im sorry but i cant do this anymore, i love all of yall and i ccant choose between anyone i wish yall could just get laong because to me it seems kinda stupid but i mean i unno i love yall but i cant do it...
also do you wanna know the real reasons as to why im homeschooled?....Do you remember when i was going to see my doctor like atleast once a week if not twice last year... well we figured out that i have a nervous stomach or atleast thats what they call it well that had stopped over the summer i had no stomach aches until this school year started so because of all the drama at school i am homeschooled, im also homeschooled bc of my grades and my attitudes, and thats prolly really the only reasons i am homeschooled bc i told my mom i couldnt handle it and she didnt feel tat ineeded to go through all of it so im sorry if your mad at me bc i lied to you about why i was homeschooled but its all out in the open now and if this drama cant stop then i will stop going to church not my moms choice either it owuld be mine...

I love you all but if this wednesday is all drama like it has been it will be my last nite at church im sorry but i cant deal with this i cant come home and puke up my guts just because this drama but i do wanna say this i wish yall the best and you have no idea how happy i am that yall got baptized i love all of yall and i just i guess i just never expected this and im gonna give you a helpful hint yall just got baptized think about it this is all satan working through yall he wants yall to fall away from god by bickering and getting into fights, well thought i would leave you a message love yall

4heartbreaks| heartbreak
06:29pm 18/10/2005
  so i guess i should updadte...

found out that jessica,ava,and duckie were all saved on Sunday October 16th,2005 and it just makes me so happy yall have no clue how happy i am for yall ... i wll be there when yall get baptized i can tell you that one right now...

jesseyka...when you have your altrasound tell me what happens and if they have to send you into surgery you better tell me cuuz if i find out you had to have surgery and i wasnt there your gonna die..u hear me?? i wanna be waiting right outside and i will bug them doctors and nurses to death... i luv ya girl

ava and duckie.... i love yall it sux that we cant hang out anymore.. unless we are outside o well i guess i will be at church .. if i can tlak my mom into it .. but i cleaned so much today and imma finish tomorrow so yea i should be able to ...love yall

kourtney...im glad that me and you are getting along i hate arguing... and im just glad that you have finally admitted hopefully everyhting to me.... umm me and alexis talked yesterday and i relived my past pretty much in 20 minutes kinda sucks bc i try not to think about everyting thats gone on but that obvioulsy changed yesterday cuz now i cant stop thinking about everything...

i love yall ...

yall have no idea how much i freaking did today all at one time too man i cooked dinner... did the dishes cleaned my room... watched tyler...watched kylee for a lil bit.. did 6 loads laundry..took out the garbage...took the dogs out twice...man i was so freaking busy today it sucked i thin kthe highlight of my day was seeing kylee...

well love yall ...
8heartbreaks| heartbreak
11:46am 15/10/2005
  heey everyone well im here at home hangin with ava duckie and jess... wow we were up late and jess didnt even get here until like 1030 wow :O lol i watched Kylee all day yesterday lol she is so cute (of course with the help of ava and duckie) lol thanx yall ...

sorry courtney we missed you .. they will see you monday ....

ps.. how are you going to see me soon??

1heartbreak| heartbreak
03:59pm 13/10/2005
  wow i feel so weird ...everyones entrys are so long and mine are like 2 sentences lol well i guess i can update...lol here it goes

AVA im so glad that me and you and courtney and jessey and duckie are all getting along now ,.. to bad i wont e able to hang out wiht all of yall ... we should have some kind of party one day i nunno where but yea we shall see ... umm im sorry about you haveing to go to star theres some ups and downs .. sorry about that... but youll still have fun im sure

DUCKIE im so glad that we are all friends it just sucks that we cant all hang out lol ... well dont get into any fights at school that way you dont get expelled ... lol try hard!!! well have fun

JESSYKA haha i spelled it how you liked it lol ... umm me and you have kinda drifted apart lately i hate not knowing whats wrong with you i guess thats my fault though since i never tell you whats wrong with me anymore ... o well i will learn to deal with it ...

KOURTNEY well we have had our ups and we have had our downs but the thing i miss the most is the time that we spent together and the trust that we had we told each other any and everything ... and i guess i just got so used to that and i still feel partly like i can trust you bc ivve learned not to let those few downs get in the way and its pretty hard im lad you told the truth in church last nite thats a big step for most

JAMES you rnot aloud to go I wont let you .. work somewhere else where i can still see you well MWAH

TRISHA we so gotta hang out when you get outta juvi we should meet at the mall or someting one day before i move

KAY i love you and i love your baby too MWAH

BRITNEY i lvoe you Im gonna miss seeing yall ...tear no more school

well love all of yall no more school for me ... lol i dont know when im moving yet ... i shall find out sooner or later i guess love yall all and if i forgot you im sorry comment and tell me MWAH
6heartbreaks| heartbreak
02:00pm 13/10/2005
  hey everyone yall are about to get outta school heck yes someone call me ive been bored all day .. lol i dont start homeschooling for prolly another week so .. yea umm ill talk to yall later..

ps even though i wont start homeschooling yesterday was still my last day at school Love You

4heartbreaks| heartbreak
10:00pm 12/10/2005
  well everyone today was my final day at school...luv all of yall (u know who you are) well i g2g im done arguing with everyone i left school on good terms with everyone i hope : ( well g2g..  
11:57am 12/10/2005
  my brother leaving ...tear...i love you James.. I will miss you bunches...

i am getting homeschooled today was my last day at school...

love all of yall i think that me jessica duckie ava and courtney are all "getting along" now ...WOW :O...lol well not saying we are all friends but hey...

see all of yall later ..

TRISHA: DONT GO :'( much love girl :) MWAH <3333
10heartbreaks| heartbreak
08:20pm 07/10/2005
  KAY--Thank You so much for letting me watch Kylee tonight she is so pretty.. I could never take your money Kylee brightens up my day she has the cutest smile ... aww well i just got her to fall asleep so im updating MWAH shes so cute whether shes sleeping or awake..PS look for your money in your diaper bag

Everyone else whats up?? im done being depressed over everything.. I am getting homeschooled and I will be grounded off the phone and i wont be able to do anything or go anywhere but thats fne bc my grades have dropped and my attitude has changed so this is just what i need I love you guys have fun in 9th grade..MWAH

PS..Kay and Kyle anytime you need a babysitter as long as im not in trouble and i dont have plans then its no prblem love you always and forever
09:48pm 04/10/2005
6heartbreaks| heartbreak